Lord Knows...

   The motto of "The Bottabing Company" is "Live like you mean it".  It has a lot to do with what I've been through these last couple of years since the release of "It's Not Worth It."

 

    A little background info... I moved out at 17 and was doing pretty well for myself until...I lost my car due to mechanical issues that could not be fixed, then I lost my apartment and everything in it to a fire, which next resulted in losing both of the jobs I had at the time, and staying at my mother's house...literally sleeping on the couch.  In the meantime, my promotion and drive for writing took a major tumble downhill.  I had absolutely nothing.  I went from being completely independent to completely dependent in the matter of months.  Little did I know it was all a blessing in disguise.

 

     I had no other choice but to move to Ohio with some of my relatives.  I had no idea where I would go from there.  There's so much more to the story but I wont bore you with the details.  Just know I had not one person to talk to that could even begin to understand how I felt.  I went from feeling so good about myself and all that I was accomplishing in my young adult life to feeling worthless and like I had worked so hard for nothing. I felt like everybody who ever thought I couldn't do it on my own was sitting back with satisfied grins on their faces...figuring I had "learned my lesson". All I could do was pray.  I woke up crying and praying and then cried and prayed myself to sleep.  All I wanted was space and seclusion from everything and everybody.  In my mind I felt like no one could understand...no one but God. So I prayed and prayed some more...it was all I could think to do.  Every time I felt there was a little light at the end of the tunnel it turned out to be false hope.  It was very stressful to say the least.

 

     It was one of those periods that felt so long like it would never end.  I just wanted to give up.  I didn't feel like writing, promoting, or anything that felt like "fun" to me because I felt I had no time for it.  No time to do what I loved doing the most, no time to fulfill my wants when there were so many needs that had to be met.  Anyway...to the point...

 

     I felt closer to God than I ever had in my life because He was the only one I could truly confide in about every worry and the only being I felt comfortable asking for assistance.  I ended up getting a job in the field that I went to school for and that I ultimately had the goal of getting into...that I never even applied for.  They saw my resume online and they called me.  Through this job I met a man that knew exactly how my car could not only be fixed but also at an affordable price, because he had the same exact problem with his car.  I actually like my job and its paying me more than both of the jobs that I hated were paying me combined...and has a much larger means for advancement.  (Although I don't plan to do it for the rest of my life.)  I'm not bragging...I'm getting to a point.

 

     Although I'm leaving out a lot of the details about what made this a very, very sad point in my life...the point is that when you're going through a time that seems like you'll never make it through and you've reached your breaking point don't give up.  Remember 3 things: 1.) Bad times don't last forever.  2.) There is always something to still be thankful for...even if it's just your existence. 3.) Prayer works!! I know it sounds cliché...but from this experience and many others in my 22 years I can tell you without a doubt in my mind that it's the truth.

 

     When I look back on it now...I think about what I would be doing and where I would be if things hadn't went the way they did.  As mad as I was about it all while it was happening, it took for me to be snatched out of my life in a sense and go through a rough to time to realize what direction I was headed for.  If the car never went out...I would most likely still be working at the 2 jobs that I hated and associating with the wrong people.  I was literally forcing myself to be in situations that made me uncomfortable with old "friends" that I clearly no longer had anything in common with.  It seems I just wanted to have somewhere to go on the weekends or someone to invite over.  If I had've stayed in that environment I would still be losing myself in the crowd.  I realize now, that had I not been in the "no other choice" category I would never have made it to the mental state I'm in today.  It matured me.  That's the purpose of experiences...to be able to look back and refocus your energy where it needs to be with a new point of view.

 

     Whatever it is that you believe in...immerse yourself in it and the hope that it gives you.  That's what helps you get through rough times.  That's when you really get to know what faith is.  I'm not saying it to sound "preachy"  I'm just saying its always good to stand for something.  It's a strong part of defining personal identity.  It encourages positive thinking and helps you to find things to be happy about, even where there really is close to nothing.  It reminds you that any situation can be overcome.  When you're clear on your purpose in life you can take the question mark off of your dreams...and just live them...like you're sure...like you mean it.

 

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I feel my purpose is to help people by writing stories they can relate to and through using their imagination and connection with characters to apply lessons to their own realities.  That's the goal.  I'm getting back to what I love and I hope my loyal supporters along with new ones will assist me in doing so. 

"It's Not Worth It" Chapters 1-5 are available NOW on http://allbottabing.blogspot.com && the rest of the book chapters will be uploaded every Wednesday starting in June! It's all FREE! Check it out & tell a friend! =)

Skinny Girls

 

   What I'm about to say is probably about to piss a lot of people off but I really couldn't care less.  If you don't like it...don't read it!  So...I'm not thick, not curvy, just thin.  Naturally thin and petite.  I don't starve myself, I don't diet, I don't even exercise.  This is just the way I am.

 

   I think its so crazy how in the media they swear up and down that skinny women are what's portrayed as "being beautiful".  Maybe that was true at some point and time but not anymore.  The tables have turned and...quite frankly I'm tired of hearing about the shit.  Stop insisting that the media is pressing women to be a size zero because that is hardly the case.  If that were true I wouldn't be as insecure about my body as I am now.  What's portrayed as "being beautiful" in the "new media" or in urban media anyway is the overly developed, most times silicone injected, and extremely curvy woman.  Lots of hips, thighs, ass, and tits...and that's fine.  I don't see anything wrong with that being someone's preference...that's what most guys want and as a result that's how most girls want to look.  

 

   Now even though I must have missed it; There was apparently some era where girls wanted to starve themselves to be as skinny as super models and everybody went crazy...saying how wrong it was.  Understandably, everybody agreed that it is unhealthy for girls to be refraining from giving their bodies the proper nourishment it needs to function.  It has now been impressed upon everybody's mind that "you don't have to be skinny to be beautiful"  which I completely agree with.  However...everyone has now flip-flopped to the opposite extreme of requiring women to have 24 inch waists and 40 inch asses.  How is that different?

 

   Shouldn't the message be about being healthy & feeling comfortable in whatever form God made you?  It's not ok to kill yourself trying to be skinny...but it is ok to kill yourself getting illegal butt injections?  Both situations are just as dangerous.  I have to say also that people tip-toe around fat people all the time.  It's rare you see somebody walk up to a 200lb. chick and say "Damn...you big as hell! What size you wear? A XXXXL??"  Why? You know that she is most likely not comfortable with her weight and that it would cut deep.  Well why in the FUCK do people think it's ok to ask me "Do you eat?" "What size do you wear? A negative zero?"  FYI: it's just as damn offensive when you ask a skinny girl those ignorant ass questions (black ones especially) as it is for you to ask a fat girl if she ever stops eating.

 

   My point is this...everybody, no matter how much they weigh, what their cup size is, what complexion their skin is, or how big their ass is can be beautiful in their own way.  Not every skinny person is anorexic, or even happy with their size.  I'm none of the above.  I feel like people should be more sensitive to people's insecurities because you never know what they're going through...and your dumb ass comment could be just the last straw to send them over the edge.  Everybody does NOT have to look like a super model, or a video/stripper hoe.  It's been embedded into everyone's head that being skinny represents being sick...when that's not true.  Unfortunately some of us are just this way in our natural form...and well, niggas will just have to get the fuck over it as far as I'm concerned.

 

   If you're naturally thick and curvy...fine...be comfortable being that.  If you're naturally bony...fine...be comfortable being that.  If you're naturally plump...fine be comfortable being that.  The only line that needs to be drawn...is the one between being healthy and being unhealthy.  Every time you're insulted...you have to remember that the idiot who's insulting you has their own insecurities and by finding fault in your appearance in it's natural form they're finding fault in God's individual design of you.  The hype has to calm down one day...it won't hurt for it to be today!!! 

 

 

Ugh! Being a woman is such a hard job! -___-